Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
