So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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