Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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