I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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