Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
