I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The adults are the big ones right?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
