community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
