I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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