Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How naked do you want me to be?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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