sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
