I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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