Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
