even my farts smell like vagina
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said âEat Freshâ while his GF was with him. FML
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
