Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were destined to go to rehab together
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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