remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
True but thats because hes a fetus.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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