I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
