dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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