You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
