ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
