these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
