if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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