Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
