He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You pole danced in your parka.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize