thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
