We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Randomize
