is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize