I haven't been this sober since birth.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
