dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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