So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
