that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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