I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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