They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
