she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
