I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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