He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
