hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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