i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
