you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
