Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
