her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
