He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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