dude i'm inner monologue high
meet me or not, i'm out of control
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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