Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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