VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
