i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
