My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
