shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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