I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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