The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
