My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
