I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
