I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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