I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
