Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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