I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
