that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
