cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
