Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
