Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
how drunk are you?
Several
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
