This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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