Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just pynch a tree in the face
her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
