Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
