You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
