I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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