How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize