She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
