Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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