I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I FOUND THE LEGS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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